33 reasons 33 is the coolest.

a71e2-unnamedHappy Birthday to my wonderful husband! Every year with you has been amazing so far, and I have a feeling this will be one of the best years yet. Here are 33 reasons why:

1

33 is the largest positive integer that cannot be expressed as a sum of different triangular numbers AND the smallest odd repdigit that is not a prime number.

That’s right. A repdigit. We’re off to a good start here.

2

33 is, miraculously, the eighth distinct semiprime comprising the prime factors (3 × 11). Its aliquot sum is 15; itself a discrete semiprime (3 × 5) in the following aliquot sequence 33, 15, 9, 4, 3, 1, 0.
(Note: 33 is the 8th composite number to descend into the prime number 3, the others outside of this sequence being 30, 26, 16, 12. Just note that.)

33 is a Blum integer, since 33 is a semiprime with both its prime factors being Gaussian primes. What’s more, it’s a Størmer number, since the greatest prime factor of 332 + 1 = 1090 is 109, which is obviously more than 33 twice. (Obviously.)

Also, 33 is the smallest diophantine number which has yet to be represented in the form a³ + b³ + c³, where a, b and c are integers.

(Am I hearing this right? YET TO BE REPRESENTED? Get it together, math.)

I got all of this information from Wikipedia, and I don’t know math, so the accuracy is questionable. Okay, let’s move on.

3

33 is the atomic number of arsenic. So if you need to poison someone, this is your year. Let’s be honest. You live in New York and contemplate poisoning people on the daily.

4

A normal human spine has 33 vertebrae. So no one can call you spineless. Not this year.

5.

33 is, according to the Newton scale, the temperature at which water boils. Fun fact: At 33, you can just look at water and boil it. Hogwarts, here you come.

6.

33s are also known as long playing records, or LPs. Time to bring back your hipster beard, because this is the year of the vinyl Daya album from Urban Outfitters.

7.

The divine name of God, Elohim, appears 33 times in the story of creation in the opening chapters of Genesis.

So may you be reminded this year that the Name above all names holds your life in His hands always. (Aww look – I can be serious.)

8.

According to Al-Ghazali, the dwellers of Heaven will exist eternally in a state of being at age 33. Clearly, it is the perfect age. No matter how old you get, you can always be 33 in heaven according to this guy. Make choices this year accordingly. Just in case.

9.

33 is the numerical equivalent of AMEN: 1+13+5+14=33. So you should make prayer an even bigger part of your life this year. And, instead of saying Amen at the end, you should say: “1+13+5+14 and goodnight.” Just to switch things up.

10.

33 is the title of the first episode of the 2004 Battlestar Galactica television series in which the Cylons came every 33 minutes. Finally, Battlestar Galactica has some significance in your life besides just being a source of endless jokes for your wife about who you are as a person.

11.

The 33 Strategies of War is a book by Robert Greene. Time to memorize those for our next argument.

12.

In French, Italian, Romanian, Spanish and Portuguese, 33 is the word which a patient is usually asked to say when a doctor is listening to his or her lungs with a stethoscope. Whenever someone asks how old you are this year, you have to hand them a stethoscope and make them listen to your lungs while you answer. You can never be too careful.

13.

33 is the number printed on all Rolling Rock beer labels. Because now that you’re closer to your mid-thirties than your early thirties, you can begin your slow descent into mid-life alcoholism. Better get a head start on that crisis you have coming up. (Just kidding. Love you.)

14.

The number 33 was discovered to lead to the essential meaning of life (the Bible) in Dan Brown’s 2009 novel The Lost Symbol. It sounds like you have a big year ahead. When you find out the meaning of life, please share it with your wife so she can figure out what in the world she is doing with hers.

15.

December 2, 1983 was a Friday, and it was the 336th day of the year 1983. The next time you can reuse your old 1983 calendar will be in 2022. Both calendars will be exactly the same! Assuming you just have that calendar still lying around. I mean, who doesn’t save the calendar from their birth year for no reason at all?

16.

33 years ago on Dec. 2, Michael Jackson’s Thriller video aired on MTV for the first time. So whenever you’re having a bad day this year, you can break out that dance.

17.

33 years ago, Carnegie Mellon professor Dr. Scott Fahlman invented the first emoticon: the smiley.

Wait…what’s that you just said? “I vow this year to stop making fun of Elizabeth for being a social media obsessed millennial because the year of my birth actually also gave birth to all I constantly make fun of her for?” Oh, okay…I mean, if you insist. #emoticonsaregood #emojisaregreat

18.

Because 30s are the new 20s, according to Friends Reunited.

 

19.

Because Buzzfeed described 33 as the most “zen-like year of your thirties.”

20.

The average resting heart rate (HRrest) for a 33 year old is 73 beats per minute.
Okay, okay fine. It’s true. This list is longer than expected, and I am running out of clever ideas.

21.

This could be you! “Jennifer Aniston Adopts 33-year-old Boyfriend”

22.

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi also turns 33 years old this year. So you and bae are growing old together.

23.

David Foster Wallace offers you this advice about turning 33. It’s only a little depressing.

“I am now 33 years old, and it feels like much time has passed and is passing faster and faster every day. Day to day I have to make all sorts of choices about what is good and important and fun, and then I have to live with the forfeiture of all the other options those choices foreclose. And I’m starting to see how as time gains momentum my choices will narrow and their foreclosures multiply exponentially until I arrive at some point on some branch of all life’s sumptuous branching complexity at which I am finally locked in and stuck on one path and time speeds me through stages of stasis and atrophy and decay until I go down for the third time, all struggle for naught, drowned by time.”

24.

Edmund Hillary was 33 when he became the first man to reach Mount Everest. Also, at the age of 33, Anita Dhake had saved enough money that she was able to quit her day job, retire early, and travel the world.

Talk about an “Oh shiz. Better get my life together.” moment.

25.

Wait….this is supposed to make you happy about turning 33 because it’s the coolest. Sorry for the brief reality check.

26.

Wow I am seriously running out of things to say here.

27.

Like there is not that much to say about 33. I’m sorry. You are old.

28.

I’m sorry – I didn’t mean it! I’m just getting hangry.

29.

You will always have a wife eight years younger than you! One day, she’ll be able to wheel you around when she goes out for her morning runs. Weeee!

30.

I love you.

31.

If you think about it, it’s really just the 20th anniversary of your 13th birthday. Happy puberty!

32.

That would suck to turn 13 again. So just take comfort in the fact that the worst years (middle school) are behind you

33.

Okay, joking aside. 33 is a good year. It is going to be YOUR year! It is really such a blessing to turn 33.

Here’s why:

The number 33 is connected to the promises of God.

The 33rd time Noah’s name is used in Scripture is when God makes a promise with him – the Eternal promise to not destroy the world again with a flood – and seals His pledge with the sign of the rainbow (Genesis 9:12 – 16).

The 33rd time Abraham’s name is used in the Bible is when Isaac, the child of promise, is born to him when he is ninety-nine years old (Genesis 21:1 – 2).

The 33rd time Jacob’s name is found in scripture is when he promised to give a tenth of all he had to God when he had a vision of a ladder reaching to heaven. This is commonly referred to as Jacob’s ladder. (Genesis 28:10 – 12, 16 – 22).

And finally, most importantly, the significance of 33 is also seen at Jesus’ death at the age of 33. His sacrifice was the fulfillment of countless promises concerning the Savior of man.

The same God who died on the cross for your sins and was miraculously raised to life three days later so that you may know Him intimately and infinitely, is the very same God that is by your side every step of the way this year.

Just like Noah, Abraham and Jacob, He knows you by name.

His love for you and power over your life has remained constant since He came to this earth to save you before you were even alive to know that you needed a Savior.

He knows what you need and when you need it before it’s even a thought in your mind, and He has never failed you and never will.

It’s okay to not have everything figured out. You don’t need to, because He does.

Accept any challenges that come your way this year as part of your journey, find out what you can learn from them and continue allowing yourself to grow and be shaped into His masterpiece.

I hope and pray that you can find peace, fulfillment and joy in His promises this year, and walk closer with God than ever before as you continue to know and love Him deeper.

#RealTalk

Happy Birthday, my love!
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