Thoughts from the exit row.

bce01-403599_4209002221439_1585668444_nThis is a follow up to my previous post, thoughts from the airplane. Because, traveling.

  1. Lady at front desk: If I seat you in an exit row, are you willing and able to help out in the event of an emergency?
  2. Me: Sorry, I kind of spaced out for a second because you speak with the monotony of a teenage girl giving a speech in English class, but if you asked if I want lots of extra leg room, the answer is yes.
  3. Flight attendant: Are you willing and able to help out in the event of an emergency?
  4. Me: Am I willing? No. But am I ABLE? ……
  5. Yessss. I scored the exit row! I am so crafty and just straight up fooled those people about my ability to save lives. I should be a spy.
  6. I call the window seat!
  7. ohhhh I have to sit next to the air marshal. This just got less fun.
  8. Excuse me, scary looking man? Are you going to kick me off the plane if I annoy you? Because I feel like there’s a significantly high chance of that happening.
  9. *puts heavy suitcase in overhead bin like a champ*
  10. *immediately gets big head about it*
  11. Psh. Am I able. I can’t think of anyone more able!
  12. *looks around to see who is admiring my superhuman powers* Everyone: staring at phones.
  13. Am I even allowed to listen to music in the exit row? Or do I have to be aware of my surroundings and alert at all times? Goodness, this is a drag already.
  14. Excuse me, scary looking man? ….oh. That was not a good look. Nevermind.
  15. Wow my phone is about to die. Is there a USB port around here? I mean, this is the 21st century. I’m not asking for much.
  16. We get to watch movies on this plane! yay!
  17. Wait how do I work this screen thingy? I don’t know how to use anything that’s not a touch screen. What are buttons?
  18. I can’t believe they’re making me touch buttons. What am I, a peasant?
  19. I give up on technology. I’m just going to stare out the window.
  20. I tried to look out the window and accidentally made eye contact with the air marshall, so now I’m going to pretend I’m texting.
  21. Wait. We’re in the air, and he knows I’m not texting. I need a backup plan. Backup plan!!
  22. Wow. If I was talking out loud, I would be the most annoying person on this plane.
  23. On second thought, I think I’m the most annoying person on this plane anyway.
  24. My head is a crazy place sometimes.
  25. What if the air marshall could hear my thoughts?
  26. Flight attendant: *does exit row spiel* Do you have any questions?
  27. Me: Yes did you get that tie at Macy’s because my husband has the same one I picked it out for him.
  28. Me in real life: No.

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